i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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