Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
accomplished twins. life is a go
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
