I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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