oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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