im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
