it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
