Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
