Me too!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
