Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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