That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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