I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
