I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
