If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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