I want to have your abortion
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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