i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
