Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
