It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
