I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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