your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
