Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
