Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
