he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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