Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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