So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
