my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
