No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
