Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
