apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
