I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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