I'm really into asian looking animals
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
