escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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