and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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