Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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