my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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