Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
