So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This girl is more easily done than said...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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