He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
