I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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