every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
