so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize