I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
