just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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