bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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