she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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