Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
