He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
