i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She even gives head with a lisp.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
