So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
