I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
