wakey wakey hands off snakey
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
