i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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