he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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