Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
