I heard we made out
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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