yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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