let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
