I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
