Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
