fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
