The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
