I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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