im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
