dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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