Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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