the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he fucked my hip out of place.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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