I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
