she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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