it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
