Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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