Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
