we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
