Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
