I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
