Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
