Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
