My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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