i was born a porn star she said
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
