Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
