sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
