Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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